Five days ago, I had surgery for my 2 hernias and muscle / skin damage, etc, etc (my stomach was pretty messed up from my last couple pregnancies!!) It was a somewhat serious procedure, and it looks like I'm gonna have some crazy scars.... hopefully it will look okay in the end!
Anyway, recovering from surgery SUCKS!! It put me totally out of commission, so that I need someone around to help me 24/7! I was actually quite surprised at how terrible I felt the first few days - I couldn't get in and out of bed by myself, could barely walk, couldn't even go to the bathroom by myself! I have a drainage tube and bag coming out of me that is painful and driving me crazy, and my large incision is over my rib cage which makes it really hard to get a good breath in - it feels like my lungs are collapsing on me. My whole stomach is super sore and tight and I can't even sit up or stand up straight. Things are improving a bit day by day, but man, this has been a real trial of my patience. I have felt very overwhelmed on numerous occasions, and Lee had to try to calm me down and help me to put it in perspective. It feels like I will never feel good again, but Lee keeps reminding me of the improvements I'm making and that I WILL feel good soon! But through it all so far, I have really learned to rely on others to help me and I have felt great appreciation for all of the acts of love I have seen!! Of course, Lee has been amazing, he has been trying to be home as much as he can to work from home and take care of the kids at the same time. He has waited on me hand and foot, helped prop me up with pillows, get in and out of bed, fill up ice bags, get my water and medications, bring me food, and of course has become Super Dad with the kids. Scarlett is still a huge handful, and I have felt so bad seeing him struggle to keep her out of the toilets and change her diapers over and over while she puts up a big fuss, and to get all the kids ready for school, church, and bed by himself. He has really stepped up and I am so appreciative of him and his efforts. He really would do anything for me. I am especially grateful for his attitude through it all. He remains positive and and has a way of helping me to be calm and happier, even through all my crazy and illogical thoughts and freak outs!
And then there is my wonderful mother - I couldn't ask for a better Mom in these types of situations - she is the definition of "service"! She has come over every week day to help out - she watches the kids when Lee is gone, she makes meals, picks up groceries, does laundry, makes the house look cleaner than it ever does, and even manages to get the kids to clean up better after themselves, especially their clothes! Something I've been working on for years, and she does it better than I can in one day! She has even been cleaning my disgustingly dusty blinds which, in all honesty, I have barely ever done in the whole 5 years I've lived in this house! She even washed my hair for me yesterday since I'm still not allowed to go in the shower - it felt amazing! She is always asking what else she can to help, and would be here in a heartbeat if she found out she was needed. I know she has given up a lot of time to be here and I am so grateful for her and her willingness. I feel bad though that she has had to lift Scarlett so much since she has a bad back... she really has been amazing though.
And of course, I have also been completely touched by all of the other friends and family that have reached out and helped me in one way or another! We have had a bunch of meals brought and scheduled to be brought, friends have been driving my kids to school, dance lessons, etc, and many people have offered to help out with kids or whatever way they could. Although I don't like accepting Service, I have definitely needed it more than at any other time in my life, and it makes me feel so loved that so many people care. When I'm feeling better I definitely want to make a better effort to serve others more, and I would love to repay all the help that I have received!
I have also had lots of time to reflect on all the simple things that we take for granted. Like being able to take a shower, pick things up off the floor, and to sleep comfortably in any position and with only ONE pillow instead of 500! Like being able to run, exercise, play with my kids and especially to hold my sweet crazy baby!! You'd think I'd be happy to relax and have a break from the kids, but now I realize how much I enjoy being a part of their lives. Scarlett doesn't come to me much anymore - I think she's learned that I wont pick her up and has given up hope, and it makes me sad. And the other kids ask me every day if I'm better yet, and they have made me notes and pictures and brought me things to help me feel better. Very sweet.
Well, I think that's enough venting and expressing my feelings for now!!
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